"Pish," says Alan, "Late startin' pish"
Could they no have tuned their instruments before they hit the stage? Could they no have one it half an hour ago instead of sitting upstairs drinking pints?
Vom on stage, Hank Marvin's grop tightens on the handlebars as his meteorite slowly homes in on the building, "Herman Munster must die!"
"Mince" Alan says "non-rhythmical mince, mutton dressed as shite."
I thought iw was great, some overwealming onslaught of noise.
Next is some intense looking girl with a violin. Now I'm not 100% sure what such things are supposed to sound like, but sawing through a bit of wood springs to mind. Some kind of musical instrument abuse I guess.
She really didn't like her music teacher at school, and still has issues.
"I dunno what it is, but its got a good beat" says Alan, "Do you ever feel like you've aged 40 years?" Luckily she was only on for about five minutes.
We'd been talking about DareDevil comics for twenty minutes before I noticed that Paul the sound guys looks like The Green Arrow.
Tetsuo, ah, nothing beats a guy howling into a microphone, rolling on the floor, doubled over with his arse in the air, whilst over on stage the rest of the band, including another violinist, nervously make noise and look bemused.
Kind of like a TMX Elmo.
They sounded "Like a body hammer" - Alan. Better violin that the first lass, mind.
Naomi, from LA, on tour, on her way to Europe. Squelchy bass backing track turned up loud. When her vocals kick in, I gotta say, my first thought was, is she doing this for a bet?
Three songs in and either standards have slipped in LA or something's been lost in translation. Rather smart sparkly gold doily dress.
Clearly Naomi, on stage, can hear things that no one else can. The wee dances she does are cutesy and the ears poking out her pixie hair thing is funny, but the way she says "Yay" when people are politely clapping after songs, and the mini review introductions to each song "This is a different song", and "This one rock out". Grate.
In a parallel universe she could be a poor shadow of a mid-nineties Bjork. Not here tonight in Glasgow.